I love my parents. I seriously do. Mom and Dad I love you. I e-mailed my mom about what I am feeling and was kind of pouring my heart out as any daughter does to her mom- mainly about my homesickness and such and this is what she wrote me back:
"I sensed that you are homesick from the last e-mail, but I told myself that I was reading between the lines again and figured I took it all wrong. "
So I apparently my feelings and thoughts are all over the place, so I will try one more time to more coherently convey what I'm feeling. First of all, I am very homesick. While many wonderful people have dreams in their hearts to learn to live in a foreign culture, it seriously just is not one of mine. I am such an American girl, and I'm completely ok with that. I'm not ashamed of my American-ness. I miss the familiarity of home, the people, school, giving tours on the Arizona campus, Chipotle, the Joint (yes, Megan, Megan and Kelsey this is a shout out to you), my car, not being the only blonde in and entire city- all that jazz. I long every day for everyone back in Ohio and Arizona with a longing I've never known.
So yes, I'm homesick, but I'm excited because this experience is what I have been praying for for a year. Last summer at my STP in Colorado, I learned a lot, loved my team, absolutely loved my job in Food Services, loved Colorado- I loved everything about it. The only thing missing is that Colorado was very much in my comfort zone, and I began to wonder what it would look like to be forced to depend on God as my refuge- like for real- I'm not talking about claiming God as my refuge because of school stress, car trouble, or whatever else I worry about- I'm talking much bigger. So I began praying that God would take me somewhere where I had no choice but to depend on him- that he would scare me. And he totally is. Japan is not comfortable for me at all. My brain is on constant overdrive trying to figure out what is going on around me. I feel like I can't truly be myself because the reality is that I can't relate with Japanese students the way I would relate to Americans. Their world views, senses of humor, and values are different- which show the need for learning what it is to find my identity in Christ while at the same time being all things for all people for the sake of the gospel.
So that's the reality, and not only did God answer my prayer to get scared for him, he is also revealing himself in ways that I know would not be possible in a more comfortable summer. Jesus is seriously not an American, and the gospel is relevant outside of my American Christian bubble. Seeing the ways that God is softening the hearts of the students, and the ways that he is reveling himself to them is showing me just how small my view the gospel is. So seeing the relevancy of Jesus in the lives of people who are not raised taking that for granted has been amazing for me.
The members of our California team arrived last week. We are all extremely different, and it would be sweet to learn how to tap into each others strengths and cover each other's weaknesses this summer. I genuinely love them all, and I'm so excited to get to live life with them this summer:)
Once again, lots of text- but thanks for your prayers, comments, and interest in my time here in Japan:)
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7 comments:
STP!! I pray that God continues to help you in Japan. Im praying for you!
I love you too Meaghan and we are praying for you! I guess you showed me. It's not poor Meaghan; it's poor mother (as you stated), since I did not understand your maturity and diligence! I am so proud!
I love you and am so glad that you are here in Japan with me!
How you've grown!!!! You amaze me!!!! I'm not as profound as others that have left comments, but you have touched me in a way that you'll never know. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with all of us back home. You are not only making a difference in Japan, but you're making a difference in my life. I love you ... stay safe ... hugs and prayers!!!!
Meaghan, we've never met but I'll be glad to in August. You are such a blessing to my Ariel and I'm so glad you are there together. Thanks for your honesty, and just know that you will be blessed by stepping out of your comfort zone (in faith) to know God better. Ask Him for ways to show the Japanese people His love - and count on Him to be faithful.
Meaghan, that's really cool, and like others have said, your honesty means a lot and is affecting people back in the states. I love to hear that you're growing in Japan and seeing God work in new ways in your life! And it's way cool to see how you're chosing not to complain about how hard it is, but to take it as a new lesson for your life that you've asked for. So awesome. Thank you so much for sharing with us! And I bet God is using you in the Japanese student's hearts more than you can imagine!
This is a confession that I have not read your blog until today - I think I take the cake on the worst roommate award here, but I LOVE YOU and miss you like crazy! I know you are doing such amazing things in Japan Meg, and that God is growing you so much right now! Keep on keeping on sister! I love you so much! P.S. I think it is a really good idea to have four different trash bins at our house so we can separate the materials, what do you think about that :o)
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